I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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