yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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