3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
