i was born a porn star she said
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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