so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
