you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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