Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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