What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
