You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
