so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
