Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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