You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
