SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
