I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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