i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
