Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
