I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
