so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
