12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A+ Viking dick
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
