Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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