It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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