I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
