I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
