if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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