Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
