everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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