grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
