Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
