i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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