remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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