I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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