Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
