My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
