i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
