I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
