Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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