somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
