Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
