Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
