Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
