How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
