I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
