God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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