I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
