I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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