Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
