dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Everything about him screamed your future.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
