well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize