The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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