I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
one two three fourrrrnication!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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