I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
