# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize