I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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