Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
