and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
