Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
