ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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