i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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