Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
