I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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