That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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