why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
