I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
