we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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