new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
