I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
