we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
