His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
