dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
