I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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