She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
