she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
