I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
