Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
