i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
