you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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