Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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